Divorce is a major traumatic event in the lives of those who experience it. In fact, it has been reported that it is second only to the death of a close loved one in terms of its emotional impact. Its impact is not limited to the spouses, either. If there are children involved, it will clearly have a dramatic and lasting impact on them.
Divorce usually starts with one spouse filing a petition filled with legal language which sounds accusatory and threatening. Then, in this already emotional situation, a stranger hands that petition to the other spouse. At this point the parties have entered the adversarial arena of the court system. Husband and wife, father and mother are now defined as enemies. It is easy to see why divorce is such a traumatic event.
Rarely is there a true winner in a litigated divorce. The litigated case involves substantial attorneys fees, costly and sometimes embarrassing disclosures of intimate family matters, significant stress on the children and, ultimately a public trial. The end result, a court decision, is usually unsatisfactory to all involved.
It does not have to be that way. There is a better way to end your marriage. It is called Collaborative Law.
In the collaborative law process, the parties hire lawyers to help them obtain a divorce settlement, rather than litigate their case. This is accomplished by the parties and their counsel meeting and discussing the various issues that need to be resolved, and addressing those issues. The process is an entirely private process, and only when the parties have reached an agreement do they file something with the court in order to obtain court approval.
In the litigated case, the divorce becomes a battle to be won or lost. In that setting, the spouses themselves, and their children, can become prisoners of that war. In the collaborative law setting, the ending of a marriage becomes a problem to be solved rather than a case to be won. Through interest based negotiations, guided by attorneys trained in collaborative law, the spouses to a divorce can almost always reach an agreement with out the hardship of litigation.
Divorce is a reality in our present society. More marriages end in divorce that don't. The end of the marriage is not, however, the end of the family - it continues after the divorce. How it looks and functions after the divorce will probably depend on how the spouses end their marriage.
As cofounder of the Collaborative Law Institute of Missouri, I strongly believe in the benefits of collaborative law. I have handled a number of these cases successfully, and have received a great deal of training on collaborative law. Additionally, I have conducted collaborative law trainings in conjunction with other lawyers having trained dozens of lawyers locally. For most couples, this is a far superior way to end a marriage.